HORSEPLAY.

We had a friend who had a home,

On a farm not far from Rome.

And we were visiting them one day,

When we heard a horse begin to neigh.

We went outside to see the horse,

About to engage in intercourse.

Now, when I saw with what he did it,

And, although I knew that my wife would forbid it,

It nevertheless made me jealous,

And I thought, with such a thing I’d be zealous.

But then, I thought that nothing could be worse,

Than having a thing like that horse,

Which would be rejected by one and all,

And be no use to me at all.

COMPLIMENTS

Compliments in Istael are seldom paid,

Unless to rest you are being laid.

But then you are lauded to the skies,

Even if the compliments may be lies,

Because about the Jews it is said,

That they never speak ill of the dead.

So, I am waiting patiently,

For good things to be said about me,

Even though I won’t be here,

To see my loved one’s shed a tear.

I am nevertheless quite relieved,

To think of what I have achieved.

I think my life was not a waste,

Although whatever I did, I did in haste.

To save time I always tried,

And procrastination I denied.

If an operation could be performed faster,

To prolong it could cause a disaster.

And, if a small operation can suffice,

To do a big one isn’t very nice,

Because, although for your ego it may be good,

By the patient, it won’t be understood.

To operate you can easily learn,

But, when to refrain, should be your concern .

Now, to Laser Surgery this particularly applies,

You must know exactly what you’re doing, otherwise,

You can play around till you’re blue in the face,

And never really get any place..

The laser should become part of you,

And, you should know exactly what you can do.

So, before you even start to use it,

Get properly trained so as not to abuse it.

You will then experience gratification,

With every successful operation.

Now all this and more I tried to teach,

And at meetings tried to preach,

And, whether it’s appreciated or not,

I really cannot care a jot,

Because, when the time for assessment comes around,

I’ll be unable to hear the slightest sound.

FIFTY FIVE

Today our marriage enters it’s fifty sixth year,

A very long time, it would appear,

The fifty five years had a harmonious passage,

But ended in the need for a frequent massage,

Because, fibro myalgia is what Masha had,

Which causes her pain that is very bad.

Today, Masha feels up to shit

And Reuben is here to do his bit,

And this is what gives her hope,

And also helps her to cope.

As I sit in my study and look around,

A dozen photographs of her can be found.

Which reminds me that one day,

A visitor saw them on display,

And said that, if many pictures of one’s wife are found,

It suggests that one is playing around.

I informed him, that with us, fidelity was never in question,

So, the photographs remain a mere suggestion..

And so, for fifty fife years we have been together,

And all our problems we have managed to weather,

And, at the end of the day,

We are looking forward to continuing this way

SONNET

I once had a bee in my bonnet

And that was to write a sonnet,

Because, it was worthy of note,

That there were no sonnets among the poems that I wrote.

So I thought of a subject about which to write,

Because I wanted to do it just right.

But, at that time, to be quite frank,

My mind seemed to be a complete blank.

But, just as I was about to give up the idea,

I counted the number of lines I had here,

And realized that, if I desired,

I could add the extra two lines that’s required.

So, this is what I have just done,

And a sonnet turned out to be this one.

PARAGON

I was thinking about my wife one day,

And wondered if I could fault her in any way,

Because, things being as they may,

That she’s a paragon of virtue , I must say.

Then, I wondered if it was true,

That she was a paragon of virtue

Because, no matter how hard I tried

To find at least one fault I was denied.

But, finally I did succeed,

And found one fault indeed,

Even though it was like solving a riddle.

She squeezes the toothpaste in the mjddle

GROWTH

I have been writing about myself too much

And thought that I should write about such

As our nation or our land,

Where buildings are slowly replacing the sand.

We are likely to end up with buildings, roads and over passes,

Which will replace trees, plants and even grasses.

It is supposed to be a land flowing with milk and honey,

But both are imported and cost us money.

We have the capacity to make anything at all,

And do manufacture things both big and small.

But there is one thing to make that we are unable.

And that is peace, which would make conditions more stable.

We have talent, beyond imagination,

And should be a thriving nation,

But, the differences among us are such,

That they are really much too much.

Some of us are extremely aggressive,

Because they are extremely possessive,

While some would like to see this aggression cease

In the hope that it would lead to peace.

And, in the meantime we all try to cope,

Because, maybe there is still some hope.

CATS

In our garden were two cats

Each one looked as if about to scratch

And as if for battle each appeared to poise,

And they started to make a terrible noise.

On their backs they had erectile fur,

In preparation for what was about to occur.

Because she loved him and he loved her,

And it was a conditioned reflex

To yell at each other before having sex.

So, by the love bug they had been bitten,

And the objective was at least one kitten.

SPACE

I sometimes sit around

Looking into space,

When, to wonder, I am bound,

What future I must face.

I find it more difficult to hear,

And can’t pee like I did,

And, my eyes tend to tear,

And I can’t see like I did.

I have a constant pain in my neck,

And my back is always sore

I feel like a wreck,

And hardly function any more.

My wife is constantly reminding me,

That there are others who are worse,

But, that doesn’t result in finding me ,

Like them, trying to rehearse.

But, being all this as it may be,

With so much that is wrong,

The compensation, I can see,

Is that it wont last long

QCCUPATION

I walk around with a constant frown,

Because my boredom is getting me down.

I wonder how my time I can invest,

In order to maintain my interest

I am limited in mobility,

If not in capability,

So that makes it abundantly true,

That I’m limited in what I can do.

So, instead of being completely static

Maybe I should join a company operatic,

Because,  I’m sure that without trying,

I can sing while I’m dying.

THE FIRST TIME

I shall never forget,

The first time that I met

A girl who let me do it.

But, I didn’t tell

That I was as ignorant as hell,

And how, I never knew it.

I was still a young boy,

And with the greatest joy,

I tried not to be uncouth.

So, when she dropped her pants ,

I took a glance,

Hoping to see the naked truth.

But, whatever was there ,

Was covered with hair,

And it left me all confused.

But, I avoided disgrace

And managed to save face,

Because to let me continue she refused.

Now, although I came up with zero,

She could have called me Nero,

Because, out it turned,

That I fiddled while she burned.